TVNewser Sets Standards Impossibly High, Mediocrity Soon to Follow

Following the recent departure of child prodigy Brian Stelter, Mediabistro has begun its search for it's next blog-star.

The ad expressly states that candidates require "experience in breaking news and/or covering media for a trade publication or newspaper." It even goes as far as to shout out current Wall Street Journal staffers. Way to be subtle guys.

Our guess? They eventually settle for a middle-aged blogger with credentials that just barely make their standards. Not quite the minor newspaper celeb that they're hoping for. But hey, everyone's gotta have dreams right?

Angelina Jolie Loves Freedom of Press, Fails to Fully Understand the Concept

Doing her best 1984 impression, Angelina Jolie exerted supreme control over the media at the premiere of her new flick "A Mighty Heart," the story of slain journalist Daniel Pearl.

Reporters were asked to sign a complex contract that stated that they could only use the interview to promote the film, and that they must not ask any questions about Angelina's personal relationships. Reporters from FOX News were banned from the red carpet as a whole.

Way to champion the cause Angie.

Apparently, Angelina fails to grasp the concept of irony as well as freedom of press. Is it just us or is there a complete lack of surprise here?

Bloggers Now Have Credentials? Aw, Crap

We're done for.

Nick Denton, evil genius that he is, has come up with his most brilliant idea yet: the hiring of Owen Thomas take over Gawker Media's resident "tech gossip rag" ValleyRag.

Taking on skilled journalist, and turning him into a professional blogger? Diabolical!

All Things Digital's Kara Swisher calls the move "interesting." Really Kara? We say it reminds us of our j-school days, where we first started detesting all the overachievers in class for getting all the good internships.

The Times Shows Off their Penchant for Fresh Stories

Man, them Times folk sure have their ear to the streets. If it weren't for their keen eye for great stories, how would we know what those crazy college-bound kids are going through these days?

Anxiety over college apps? Say it ain't so!

Settling for second-tier schools? Parental pressure? Now I've heard everything.

No, really. If I handed this piece into any of my former j-school profs I would've gotten my ass handed to me in front of the entire class.

Here's Hoping that the Gecko Doesn't Make a Cameo

Somewhere, somehow, one man convinced many that having a sitcom about disgruntled cavemen being treated unfairly by an insurance company was a great idea for a tv sitcom.

I can't even hate. Props to the sales abilities of that guy.

I'm going to enjoy the eight episodes of the show that make it onto the air before its inevitable demise. On second thought, I doubt I'll even watch one. But I will enjoy the knowledge of the show's existence.

A-Rod and Katie Couric, Kindred Spirits

A-Rod and Couric, Couric and A-Rod. What's the connection? It's uncanny.

Here you have got two highly priced, highly touted free-agents come into a situation where they're expected to be (and pardon the usage of the term) saviors.

Under said high expectations, they've floundered catching more flak than Lloyd from Entourage.

But do we feel sorry for either of them?

The real question here is: should you feel sorry for a multi-millionaire celebrity crying over being underappreciated?

Katie should just be happy that no one makes of her for looking like she's perpetually wearing purple lipgloss.

Rupert Murdoch is the New Montgomery Burns

I think Rupert Murdoch's realized that if he wants to keep living off of the blood of young children, he's going to have to do his part in the fight against global climate change.

The announcement was so shocking that even Rupe's own denizens--er employees, needed clarification.

It's really kind of inspiring when you think about it.

Sorry for the Delay

I've been neglecting you and I'm sorry. Life's been getting in the way.

Tommorow, I get to throw on a purple robe and sit in a room of complete strangers for three hours. Funny how the last time I did that, I was a lot more excited than I am now.

Man, I've always hated realizing the passage of time. In fact, when I think about what superpower I would most like to have (and I do think about that pretty often), I usually say teleportation. But nowadays, I think I may have to amend my answer.

The one superpower I would most like to have is the ability to stop time a la Zack Morris. That guy was the man.

The Battle Continues

The Red Sox vs. The Yankees, the immortal rivalry, the best in the biz. Enough said. The baseball games that have spawned millions of tv documentaries, books, fan-boy dreams, and the like.

Sure it's April and both teams have over a hundred games left in the season, but this weekend a three-game series is simply life and death for those poor bastards that have intrenched themselves in this struggle.

Ok, I'll admit I'm one of those aforementioned poor bastards. And yes, I am nearly salivating at the mere thought of the Yanks going into to Fenway and running house.

And hey, with A-Rod playing like a god amongst men, it doesn't seem to matter if we have little to no pitching.

Here we go again.

So It Goes.

Yes, I know I'm days late. But some people don't even know who Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is, and those are the people who you should be chastising.

Anyway. RIP Kurt. You'll always be one of the greats. Shaggy-haired and all.

Re-Up

I know, it's been a while. But I promised myself I wouldn't neglect this one like the last two.

A few things.

I bought my first suit ever this Friday. It was a bittersweet process. On the one hand, it's a pretty damn slick one. On the other, what do I need a suit for? For grown-up things, that's what I need a suit for.

I'm writing a novel. This may take a while, but you should be excited. I've already got one-ish chapter finished. It's the most substantial thing I've written in years. Here's hoping that I don't get bored with it and throw it away. Scratch that. That won't happen.

Stay tuned kids.

Fight or Flight

I need a vacation. Perpetually.

But, I always get bored on vacations.

I've got this "any place but here" ideal. Couple that with a mean complacent streak, and you've got yourself a whole bunch of idle banter.

Someone just hand me a drink with an umbrella in it, and I'll be all set.

The Real World. Ooooooooooooh.

One day I'll look back at this uncertain time and breathe a little easier that I made it out all right. I decided to not speak anymore about all the existential dread, the confusion, and the straight up fear regarding my impending entrance into the "real world."

It's way too easy to bitch, and I don't want to sound like this girl. Leave it to the supportive writers at Gawker to put things into perspective.

Besides, if I know myself well enough, I'll find ways and means to avoid this so-called real world as best I can.

Thoughts On Opening Day

Aah baseball. Overpaid athletes, slow game, drunken assholes sitting next to you, sun stroke by the 8th inning. It's back baby.

Say what you want but overall I think my boys the Yankees looked damn good today. It was like a season in a microcosm. You got Jeter tying the game with a clutch single, A-Rod making a dumb mistake by missing the pop foul, the fans overreacting, our starting pitching looking shaky (being bailed out by some damned good relief pitching,) and Mo being Mo.

Sidenote: That man is a phenom. He's getting better as he gets older. It's simply amazing. I got goosebumps when they started playing "Enter Sandman." There are maybe a few people in sports that are simply the best ever at what they do, and he is one of them. Don't ever leave us Mo.

Good to get back to the stadium after such a long layoff.

161 to go.

Wish Granted

Ask and Steven Gerrard will deliver. I'm sorry I doubted you.

Sneakers in Disguise

I can't figure out whether having these shoes will make you either the coolest person ever, or the biggest nerd on the block.

But screw it, they're Transformers. Giant robots are a guaranteed way to get me interested in anything. Sometimes being a nerd isn't such a bad thing.

Bring the Ruckus

I'm going here:and chances are, you aren't.

SNL - United Way

There's something about kids getting hit with footballs that makes me laugh hysterically.

One time I considered being a teacher. True story.

Rubbish. Pure Rubbish.

Get your shit together Brits. You invented the damn sport, now score some damn goals. Sure I don't know much about soccer formations, but it seems to me that if you refuse to push the ball forward and count only on half-assed crosses as your key to scoring goals, you're not going to score many of them.

If I was this angry watching the game in the comfort of my own home, I couldn't even fathom what self-inflicted injuries would come about from watching this game in an English pub.

Sometimes I think I should've just stuck to watching the Yankees. At least when they lose, it's fun to watch the shitstorm that follows in the NY papers. When the Brits lose, it's kind of depressing knowing a whole country's dreams are being let down.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Fuck, graduation is coming real real soon. That doesn't sound good at all.

I don't want to grow up. They'll have to drag me from this life kicking and screaming. I'm constantly terrified of the fact that these last four years in college are as good as it gets. That part'll probably come when I find myself unable to sufficiently interact with my peers because I will have refused to learn how to conduct myself like a true "adult." Life's been too good to me up to this point to have it become this serious thing that I have to (gasp) work at.

Was it just me who had this insane idea that once you reach a certain age that you're given the experience and ability to become an adult? I mean, how could I be allowed to live this long without gaining said knowledge?

And what do I do to assuage myself from these looming thoughts? I play videogames and go out drinking like it's my job. For some reason regressive behavior seems like the most sensible thing to do right before I officially become a real person. It's like I'm subconsciously thinking " If I can't slow down time, maybe I can screw myself over enough times to actually hold myself back." Well that just sounds ridiculous.

Maybe I should just stop being a pussy, quit whining about it, and just keep on keeping on. Whatever, I'm going to go play FIFA now. I doubt anyone's made it to the bottom of this entry anyway.

Gilbert Arenas, Blogger Extraordinaire.

Seriously, this guy puts me to shame. How is a man so prodigiously talented?

The Boys are Back in Town

I think I've altogether forgiven Johnny Damon for his role in the horrific 2004 postseason. You can't hate a guy who commented on the steroid controversy by saying:

"I'm gaining weight the right way: drinking beer."

You just have to root for a guy like that.

In any case, Damon's recent claim in the NYPost has gotten me sufficiently stoked for the return of baseball, and my beloved Yankees.

Jeter's piroutte throws, Listening to "Enter Sandman" as Mo comes in from the 'pen, Sweeping the Red Sox, Walk-off home runs, Wang's sinker, Listening to/Participating in the role call, the fight for the AL East.. I am pumped.

Few things get me feeling like a twelve-year old boy like the return of baseball.

It's Always Nice to Have Idols

Every so often, I'll get really obsessed and develop a mini-guy crush on a writer. It's a flavor of the month thing for me. For the month of March/April, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you Jay Mcinerney, author of such gems as Bright Lights, Big City and The Good Life (neither of which I've read yet, but best believe I'm on my way to B&N right away son.)

Some choice quotes from his recent interview with Vogue Hommes International
(c/o Gawker):


On his worst sexual experience ever:

"Years ago I spent half the night chatting up a very beautiful woman. I managed to get her to come back to my place, to undress her and get her into bed. Then when I woke up the next day I realized that she was dead. Before we had a chance to do anything...."

On living with two models:

" Dreadful. They're so focused on how they look it becomes unbearable. The one I married [The first wife, again - Ed.] was convinced she was horrendous and fat. ...She was totally and neurotically obsessed by herself..."




I often try to imagine what I'll be like as an older writer. If I'm anything like this guy, I'll pretty much be able to consider myself a success. Yes, I honestly believe that.

We're Half the World Baby

Bruce Lee. Baddest Man Ever.




















Kobayashi, Record-Breaking Hot Dog Eating Champ.

















Now Tony Jaa.

(He raps too. That's a +80 on the badass scale if you were keeping count.)


We Asians may be small, but we will mercilessly kick your ass. And afterwards, we'll be really polite about it.

I Feel So Betrayed

Yet another illusion from my childhood has been shattered.

Next you'll tell me that rolling around in radioactive waste, in fact, does not give you superpowers. Lies damnit.

Look Out World, I'm on My Way

Sometimes when I think of impending graduation and that whole reality thing, I get nervous.

Sometimes, I see things that make me believe that I may have more than a fighting chance. Watching dumb kids are great for boosting up your confidence.

Don't Call it a Comeback

It's me again. This would be my third attempt into digital infamy, the first two blogs of mine dying the unfortunate death that befall all neglected digital spaces. Ah well.

I'd go through the trouble of reintroducing myself, but that'd spoil all the fun, you'd have nothing to come back for. And without readers, how does one start on the path of Internet stardom?

In any case, welcome all.